I can’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t felt caught between two places.
I grew up in a predominantly white area, and as a brown girl, I felt anything different about me, including where I was from, needed to be hidden. It kept me from learning about myself and wanting to know my culture and where I was from. It kept me from finding strength and connection with a community I could have loved. Because I was scared of being different, yet all I wanted was to be noticed.
Today, it feels like being different is cool. Have trends changed? Or am I just older and less insecure?
I’m caught between two places now: a world that demands efficiency and productivity to afford to survive, stealing more of my time and energy every day. And a world where I let go of all that and follow intuition over logic, where the longer I spend, the more energised I feel.
But even in music I’m still caught between two worlds. Creating is naturally a process that takes time, error, experimentation and learning, but my brain wants to go fast, to get to the answer, to get to perfection straight away, even though it doesn’t really exist. I don’t know if I’m naturally wired that way or if it’s something that has been conditioned into me as a result of the society we exist in.
This mix feels like a collaboration between two worlds of my music; the first half builds to a deep crescendo, crossing darker psychedelic realms, while the second opens up to reveal brighter, more uplifting frequencies.
I thought I needed to decide which direction I wanted to go in, but it seems that both worlds have managed to co-exist here. Maybe two places can exist together after all…
